Demetra:

Welcome to life as a disco. Craig

Craig:

Thank you, Demetra.

Demetra:

So I'm asking the question about how do you identify within the LGBTQ community?

Craig:

I'm gay as a parade. A capital G, Capital G.

Demetra:

And you've come to us to speak about the interaction with your faith. Yeah. So how do you identify regarding your faith?

Craig:

The tradition I come from is a Protestant sort of background, you know, No big surprise.. middle aged white man. And it's the Churches of Christ - and I came to Faith just before my 21st birthday. And so, immediately change the beer order to half light beer, which back at 19 was horrible. Churches of Christ for people not familiar - just think Baptists with more communion and less quarterly meetings.

Demetra:

The way you came out was in traditional manner - watching Schitt's Creek? What was what was the inspiration out of Schitt's Creek?

Craig:

So I'm not going to spoil it for you because I know that I'm going to insist that you do watch it. Schitt's Creek is based on a rich family who becomes poor and has to struggle with all of that. They go to a town that Johnny, the father, had bought as a joke and it's called Schitt's Creek. So you can get why it was a joke and why he bought it for his son, David. David is pansexual on the show, played by the wonderful Dan Levy, who also wrote the show and produced it with his father, Eugene. On the show, eventually David finds someone and that person is Patrick.

Patrick is played by the gorgeous Noah Reid. And at one stage Patrick sings to David. I was watching that and I said to myself as I was watching that and beginning to cry, that I want someone to sing to me like that. And I said to myself "You've been married for 20 odd years, you've got someone." And then the next thought came into my head was, I want a man to sing to me like that. And I want a man to look at me like Dan is looking at Noah and vice versa. And so the glass kind of shattered, and that was a pretty spectacular moment.

And the beautiful thing about Schitt's Creek is it's written as though there is no homophobia or transphobia or any phobia in the world I remember watching it in its early episodes. If Patrick and David were kissing in public and somebody would walk into the store I would go "Oh, here it comes, somebody's going to frown on it." But it never happened. So it's almost a little fable and it's a really safe show.

So. Dan Levy, you owe me commission.

Demetra: So what has been an important purity of your life and why?

The last few years, I mean, I've had wonderful moments when my kids were born, when I got married and all that.

That's really significant. And so I'm not downplaying that at all. But just the last two and a half years since coming out, just finding out who I am authentically and that has just been powerful. I've had friends who have distanced themselves from me a little bit because they go, you've changed a great deal. And I think "Yeah, I really have."

And my ex-wife, who's a great champion and advocate for me, goes, "Did you expect that he's gone through what he's gone through and that he would stay the same?"

it's just actually discovering who I am, you know, as a man in his early forties... *early* forties! This is a great discovery.

Demetra:

When you had that first feeling, what were your first thoughts?

Craig:

I was petrified. And initially there was this moment of realization of going,

"Wow, this is fantastic and this makes so much sense." But then it was like "You're going to lose everything now. Everything's going." So that was pretty tough. Yeah, I was scared.

Demetra:

And so and you mentioned that you thought that you're going to lose people?

Craig:

I have lost, but I have gained as well, so much, and the things I was scared of and the people I was scared of losing, I haven't. Yeah. So I thought, "Well, this is the end of my marriage."

18 months later that sort of happened, and I moved out. But I haven't lost my ex-wife from my life. We're still really good friends and we still catch up as a family every Monday night for dinner. And the kids, even though they're adults, basically will still come to my place every second weekend.

So I haven't lost them, which is just crucial. I thought i'd lose my job because my job is connected to a church tradition and I thought, "Well, that's the end of that" But it wasn't. I thought, "I'm probably going to lose any standing I have in my church community." I haven't. So those great fears didn't come to be.

People have struggled with the 'authentic' Craig. That was something I didn't anticipate. But you know, you so early on the journey, you've got no idea of what's ahead of you. You have no idea of what to expect. So I haven't lost the things or the people I thought I would lose.

I mean that's sort of a cliche, but yeah, 'to thine own self be true.' Know yourself.

Yes, that is a great gift. And that's what being gay or being part of the Rainbow community has given to me. And I've actually discovered that just by being me, I'm part of the community. The community's opened its arms (sometimes rather naughtily) But, you know, they've opened their arms to me and it's just great.

Demetra:

What are the factors that you think help to preserve those key relationships with these wonderful people in your life, your ex-wife and your children in particular?

Craig:

I think with Dan and the kids, it was just about being really transparent. And also, we're very fortunate that (and it's it's a bit of a it's sort of like a bit of a stereotype) when the guy in his late forties comes out to his wife, he sort of says "I've been living a double life"

And I understand, I'm not judging that at all, that brings a lot of baggage with it. Whereas I told Danny six weeks after I realized it myself. Although she wasn't overly surprised, but it was still hard for her to hear.

There was none of that being unfaithful or been exploring things with guys and haven't told you. And we were just able to then walk through that together. So we actually shared the journey and we shared the journey with the kids pretty early on.

I would have liked to have done that better though. That was my fault. I sort of got a bit emotional one day and watching Queer Eye and somebody was coming out on the show. My daughter and I were watching it and I sort of broke down a bit and it sort of all came out then. It should have been a conversdation between me and my wife with the kids that followed that up.

Yeah, but that was difficult. But I think the transparency, the honesty, the this is happening to me as I feel that kind of experience means that people can walk the journey with you. They're not they're not playing as much catch up. Yeah, I think that's that's been my experience. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, one thing that getting older has taught me is that we, you know, spend a lot of time thinking about us coming out and we'll speak for myself.

Listen to the full Life Is A Disco episode, released on JOY 94.9 here