This article is for guys who are new to sex on premises venues (SOPVs) and want to try them out! We will explore the dos and don’ts and the general etiquette expected when visiting an SOPV. A SOPV is a privately owned business for men to have sex with other men, socialise and relax.
One thing first timers will notice is how guys most often signal for sex without speaking, this is known as cruising. The communication is done through body language and body movements. When guys do chat it is usually rather brief, straight to the point and then off you go for some fun.
How much you enjoy your visit depends on a lot of different things, if the right guy doesn’t come along or sex doesn’t work like you’d hoped, just brush it off – it happens! You never know what’s around the corner and you may find some group action or meet someone new to hang out with or just relax by yourself and observe.
Conditions of Entry:
When arriving, sometimes the conditions of entry are different. For most venues though, you’ll have to pay an entry fee. If you are visibly drunk or drug affected then you’ll probably be refused entry. Also it is important to note some venues will ask for I.D. for entry – some even scan your I.D. which is common at many bars and nightclubs, but this scanned data is deleted a short time after.
What’s in a SOPV?
In a sex club, you will most likely find sling rooms, dark room, playrooms, public sex areas, cubicles, suckatoriam, douche room, movie lounge and snack bar. Sex clubs often host themed parties such as nude, fisting or watersports events. They usually have private rooms that can also be hired for use.
The main features of a sauna include the ‘wet areas’ such as a steam room, spa and/or pool. Once you enter you will be given a towel and a key to a locker for your clothes and belongings.
Backrooms are attached to adult bookshops – although not all bookshops have backrooms! These have fewer facilities than saunas or sex clubs, and some just have cubicles with glory holes.
These are venues that screen porn and can include cubicles for viewing where sex can take place. These venues might not provide any safe sex resources, so if you go to an adult cinema it’s a good idea to be prepared and take your own condoms and lube.
Cubicle: a small room with a lockable door usually with a vinyl mattress.
Douche room: venues with a douching room have a clear plastic hose that you can purchase from the counter.
Darkrooms: the darkroom has no door and a very low level of light, it’s designed for groups and more anonymous forms of play.
Glory hole/Suckatorium: a hole in the wall of a cubicle through with which guys can give/receive oral sex or even anal.
Tips for first timers
Some of the easiest things to do when you arrive at a venue is to check the layout of the venue, see what facilities are around and even ask the friendly staff what is on offer.
How to cruise: The rules
No means no – this is the most important rule. You have the right to say no to anything you don’t want to do or are uncomfortable with, just because you are in the venue does not mean you automatically consent to anything. This applies to everyone – so you must respect others’ right to say no to you. If someone says no or stop at any time during sex then you must stop. People who are unconscious or heavily intoxicated cannot give consent. The best way to check in with someone is to simply ask “you okay?” or “want me to keep going?” and wait for a verbal confirmation or a nodding of the head indicating yes.
It can make for an awkward situation to have someone come onto you aggressively that you’re not into, and embarrassing to be rejected publicly. So being polite and respectful means no one needs to be embarrassed and you can continue looking for what you’re after.
Wait to be invited
No one likes having their party crashed, and the same goes with cruising. Look for non-verbal signals such as prolonged eye contact or someone lightly brushing passed you looking back. At no point is it okay to grope or touch someone without some kind of verbal or non-verbal invitation to do so.
SOPVs are generally very safe, and the staff are there to look after you and make sure you have a good time. If at any time you are concerned about the behaviour of someone in the venue, let the staff know.
If you’re having sex in a SOPV, or anywhere at all, you need to think about HIV and other STIs. Condoms will do a good job at protecting yourself from some but not all, so a good testing regime will ensure that your sexual health is sorted. For more info on HIV prevention, check out our other article here.
Finally, you’re going there to enjoy yourself. Don’t worry if the first time – or even the first few times - you don’t feel like interacting with anyone. Be respectful and understanding and never feel pressured into doing anything you don’t want to. Always remember the staff are there to help! And of course - have fun and be safe!